The Pantsless Ghost
Guy in my class: Sir, what if we had a gay P.E. teacher? That'd be bad because he'd be looking at all the guys in shorts.
Teacher: You're assuming that all gay teachers are pedophiles.
Guy: Well...yeah.
Teacher: Carl I absolutely promise you that NO ONE in this school wants to have sex with you
breadonly:

aslightlyangryfeminist:

thatsonofamitch:

hitlervevo:

i wanna know the story behind this



















What the FUCK

He ate them!

breadonly:

aslightlyangryfeminist:

thatsonofamitch:

hitlervevo:

i wanna know the story behind this

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What the FUCK

He ate them!

supernatural-tardis:

i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him  this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked

kdubzart:

now that it’s plainly obvious how Dirk takes his men i can’t stop thinking about ridiculously domestic arguments about jakes back hair
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DIRK: You look like a gorilla.
JAKE: Gorillas are majestic and noble critters

he sheds. its so gross you wouldnt even believe.

overlypolitebisexual:

cat people: dogs are cool too
dog people: cats don’t feel love did you know a cat once MURDERED my MOTHER

lesbian-killjoy:

joh-lunatics:

sieistwunderschon:

Being a dad the right way

This is too fucking cute.

Where is this from, please?

DOES THE COVER OF THAT BOOK SAY “DEATH METAL NOTE” JFC 

another-cloudy-day:

ifunnyws:

Jonah Hill & Morgan Freeman

One of my favorite celebrity interviews ever.

the-dragons-thoughts:

Imagine finding a dragon egg one day, and it hatches in your house and thinks you’re its mom. Then the next morning you wake up and find this mini dragon has gathered all the lose change and shiny objects in your house in a pile, and is gnawing on a nickel. And then when you take it out for walks, it picks up every coin it sees cause its a hoarder. And your house is eventually full of coins. And you are rich. And have a dragon.

tuxedoducklinq:

hockpock:

qualiachameleon:

rocketumbl:

Theo Jansen  Strandbeest

Side note: These don’t have motors. They’re completely momentum/wind-powered and literally just wander around beaches unsupervised like giant abstract monsters.

these are both amazing and COMPLETELY TERRIFYING

IF I SAW ONE OF THESE COMING I WOULD CRY

dannyqhantom:

if only we all had inner dolphins

progressiveauspol:

Truth.
What's so bad about Tony Abbott?
Anonymous

oeroun:

oh, child. you’ve come to the right blogger.

this, is our current prime minister, tony abbott. image

he’s been in office for almost a year, now. in that time, he’s managed to piss a lot of people off. myself included. so what exactly makes him so bad?

1) he’s sexist
in regards to abortion, he’s asked “why isn’t it regarded as a national tragedy” rather than the declining life expectancy of aboriginals [x] and that it’s all about women taking “the easy way out”[x]. he’s even gone so far to say that women will never succeed more than men because “their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons” [x]. let’s not forget that he thinks it’s not a woman’s right to refuse sex and that he believes it should be moderated [x]. did i mention he’s the women’s minister? [x] it’s not a joke. i wish.

2) he doesn’t like immigrants
he’s not a fan of immigrants and has been quoted saying such things as “jesus knew that there was a place for everything and it’s not necessarily everyone’s place to come to australia.” [x] let’s not forget, “i don’t think it’s a very christian thing to come in by the back door rather than the front door” [x]. you know, because there’s a queue for when you run for your life.

3) he think’s climate change is made up
he’s said (and god i wish i could make this up) “climate change is absolute crap” [x]. oh and he’s also made a comment on bushfire tragedies in australia saying “fire is a part of the australian experience” [x]. losing your home and family is definitely part of the australian experience, right tony?

4) he’s homophobic
when an 11 year old boy wrote to him about the rights of the gay community in regards to marriage and abbott wrote that he will continue to “support the existing definition of marriage”[x] not only does he refuse to take religious views out of the picture, but he wants to silence the gay community and has said “if you’d asked me for advice i would have said to have, adopt a sort of “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about all of these things…”[x] he has also said “i probably feel a bit threatened (by homosexuality), as so many people do.”[x] yeah, and we feel threatened by you.

5) he upholds aboriginal stereotypes
about aboriginals, he’s said “there may not be a great job for them but whatever there is, they just have to do it, and if it’s picking up rubbish around the community, it just has to be done.”[x] let’s not forget that if an indigenous person can’t find work, they have no excuse because there are no “cultural excuses”[x]. oh and what does he think about the british invading australia and killing thousands of indigenous people? “western civilisation came to this country in 1788 and i’m proud of that… [x] good job.

6) his view on homelessness
"we just can’t stop people from being homeless if that’s their choice."[x] need i say more?

7) reduction of work rights
"compulsory paid maternity leave? over this government’s dead body, frankly"[x]

8) his way with words
what does he think about the crisis in syria? “it’s not goodies versus baddies, it’s baddies versus baddies”[x] what did he say when he posed closely with a group of teenage girl netballers? “a bit of body contact never hurt anyone”[x] how does he promote his campaign? “if you want to know who to vote for, i’m the guy with the not bad looking daughters”[x] his reaction to a dead australia soldier? “shit happens.”[x] i’ve saved the best/worst until last “no one, however smart, however well educated, however experienced, is the suppository of all wisdom.”[x] ew. let’s hope not.

there are about another thousand pieces of evidence i could use to explain why this man is bad for our country. like how his daughter has received an art scholarship that wasn’t known to other students before she received it [x], while he makes funding cuts to universities[x]. not to mention that when a radio listener called in to comment on how she managed to make ends meet because of his pension cuts by working on as a phone sex operator, he winked[x]. this guy is basically the scum of the earth.

and to close, i’ll leave you with this website. abbotisms is a site that showcases his best worst statements he’s been quoted saying. also, this video from john oliver’s “last week tonight” and it’s brilliant commentary on abbott’s stupidity and overall ignorance.

i hope we’ve all learnt something today.

spookyjohnegbert:

i’m not even going to respond to anon hate anymore i’ll just post this.

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